The Truth of the Matter Is...
by Shagti2
Summary: A satire on lemons, pokemon lemons in general, "The Truth of Matter Is..." answers the question of a more realistic scenario if and when Ash and Misty ever have sex for the first time. For Mature Readers. Rated "R" for language & adult situations.


It Isn't All That It's Cracked Up To Be

The Truth of the Matter Is…

By: Shagti2

Authors note: This story was mostly derived from quite a few things, mostly all AAMRN lemons basically follow the same basics: Both Ash and Misty shag like they know what they're doing, Ash's "equipment" is so big, that Misty just has to go down on it, and the other clichés and stereotypes that run rampant throughout the genre. Of course, me being me, I decided to write this fic based on more… realistic… premises. Sato-Kasu lovers, and practically anyone who is so caught up in romantic stereotypes, read on…

It was a beautiful clear night in the mountains between the border of Johto and Kanto. It was a nice, comfortable spring night, warm enough to go outside without a jacket, but cool enough to sleep with a blanket. 

Ash Ketchum and his girlfriend Misty Waterflower sat, snuggling together by the crackling fire that illuminated their meager camping grounds.

The two had been an item for about a few months now, after some crazy incident had forced them to express their undying love for each other. They, (and practically everyone that knew them) were finally relieved that they had told each other how they felt. 

But then, they (and practically everyone that knew them) faced a greater tension builder: the **sexual** tension that had been growing between the two of them since the both of them were early teenagers. 

Tonight, that sexual tension would finally be released.

After Pikachu and Togepi had fallen asleep, Ash crept over to Misty's tent, put Togepi in his tent, and crept back to Misty's tent. They made-out much more intensely than usual, and both were very aroused. 

Misty came to a sudden decision as Ash rolled on top of her. "Ash…" she gasped, breaking a rather deep kiss with him as they reached second base.

Ash looked deep into her eyes. "Yes, Mist?"

"I think, that… I think we should go all the way…" 

The look in Ash's eye almost scared her. He kissed her even more intensely than he ever had before, and then took off his shirt and jeans, giving her a good view of his slightly muscled torso. 

_Damn, if this is how it begins, I'm loving sex already_, Misty thought. He pressed his body even closer to hers, and she could feel that he was quite ready to go at it. Misty though was kind of hesitant though… she sure hoped he was only half way there…

Her shirt fell victim to Ash's swift hands, as did her sports bra. After staring at her dumbfoundedly for a minute, Ash began to fondle and kiss her breasts. At first, she felt kind of excited, but then… After five minutes of this treatment, Misty began to get impatient.

"Urr… Ash?" she asked, letting a note of impatience creep into her voice. He looked up at her face, his, flush with excitement.

"What? Am I hurting you?" he asked in concern. She shook her head. 

"No, Ash, but can you like… move it a little lower?" she asked sweetly. For once in his life, he got the meaning right away. Slightly grimacing, he unbuttoned her short-shorts, and soon her red lacey knickers, and his poka-dotted boxers lay in the growing pile of clothes to the couple's left.

Half expecting him to give her… more sensitive spot the same attention that he had given her breasts, she was surprised when he stopped and sat back.

"What are you doing?" Misty asked in surprise. He pointed to his rather exuberant friend, now unleashed.

"Aren't you going to… you know? Go down on me?" he asked, his smile brighter than ever, now that he had said the words.

As horny as Misty was, she hadn't changed her views on certain things. Lying through gritted teeth, she replied, "I'll do that later… but not right now. Don't you want to just to make love?"

Keeping his argument about going down on a man part of making love, he instead focused on her, totally gorgeous and nude body. Switching pilot control from the head on top of his shoulders, to the one that was usually in his pants, he leapt on top of her, and prepared to enter her…

It was ten minutes later. Ash had fallen asleep, naked as a jaybird. Misty meanwhile had gotten up and gotten dressed. 

The whole incident had been rather… weird. Not just weird… kind of uncomfortable. While Ash was rather enthusiastic about the whole situation, Misty had really felt nothing at all. Hoping that she might if she imitated some of the noises she had heard women usually do when they had sex, she had sounded like if she was having a great time herself. But the truth was, she really didn't feel much of anything. Well, maybe a little discomfort at first, but nothing really spectacular.

Misty sighed, as she sat down on the tree stump, and cradled her head in her hands, and looked into the dwindling fire.

"Well, at least I lost my virginity to the one I loved," she said to herself, trying to find the silver lining in this cloud. But she knew the truth deep down inside of her. 

"…So, then I replied, 'Nurse Joy, that's not a poke-flute in my pants, but I am happy to see you!" Brock managed to choke out before he, along with the rest of his friends burst out laughing. They were all in Viridian city, lounging around the pokemon center. 

Two days after their little experience, Ash and Misty had headed off to the city to meet up with their former travel companion and best friend Brock, along with Richie and Tracey. The five friends all had decided to meet here every two months to give each other the run down of their travels. 

Brock was busy filling them in on his latest adventures as gym leader of the Pewter Gym and the local "Casanova" as he so put it. The eldest of the five, he hadn't changed so much in the passing years, except that he had managed to actually refine his courting skills and get some good dates.

Tracey had changed a lot with his time studying under the wing of Professor Samuel Oak, his hero and mentor. He had changed his clashing attire, with more sensible khaki pants, polo shirts, and walking shoes, though he had a penchant for walking around in his lab coat, even when he wasn't in the lab. His familiar headband had gone in the way of just keeping his forehead bare, and his shoulder length hair slicked back. He had stopped studying with Professor Oak to become his own Pokemon researcher and work towards the day that he would be as wise and famous as his former mentor.

Richie had, like Brock did, pretty much stay the same. He still had the friendly rivalry with Ash going, and between him, Ash and Gary Oak, the three were the best pokemon trainers in the entire Kanto division. His choice of clothes had changed drastically from when he was a kid, however, showing a more mature look. He usually dressed in V-neck t-shirts, loose blue jeans, hiking boots and his now trademark leather jacket. He had abandoned the cap he wore religiously when he was younger ages ago.

The five were all sitting at a table, with Ash of course having his arm around Misty, drawing her close to him. After the laughter had died down, Richie eyed them with a leering grin.

"So, how goes you're travels, Mr. and Mrs. Ketchum?" Richie asked, as he leaned back in his chair and folded his arms, turning the spotlight on the couple. Ash and Misty fixed him with a crippling look, and Richie backed down.

"Sorry, sorry," he said, as he raised his hands in mock surrender. "Mr. and Mrs. Waterflower, right?" 

That managed to get a laugh out of everyone, even the couple.

"Just be glad I don't carry my mallet anymore, Mr. Lofaro, or they'd have to scrape your squashed remains off the chair," Misty coolly replied. That got a larger explosion of laughter.

"Ouch… I see your point, Ms. Waterflower. My toes still hurt even after all these years, you know!" Richie exclaimed, and made a show of rubbing his foot through his boot.

"Anyway, I am rather curious on what you two have been up to," piped up Tracey. "Apparently something of profound significance has happened between the two of you."

"Ah, so we're pokemon all of a sudden, Mr. Watcher?" Ash said, with a smirk.

Tracey shrugged. "A watcher watches. You can't turn off observational skills, even if you want to."

"Yeah, like I can't turn off being such a charismatic charmer that women can't help but fall head over heals for," Brock said smugly. Everyone except Brock sweat-dropped.

"Yeah, sure, Lover-boy," Ash said, causing more laughter. Brock stuck out his tongue out at Ash in response.

Richie turned back the attention to Ash and Misty. "Ok, ok, but the thing is, you didn't answer the question. And since Tracey brought it up, what **has** happened between the two of you?"

"Well…" Ash began, then looked into Misty's eyes. "Should we tell them, Mist?"

Memories of that night flashed in her memory, more intense than ever. She knew this could lead to trouble.

"Uh… I don't know, Ash. Maybe we shouldn't, at least not right now…" she said after considering what could happen. Misty was generally a very honest person, not afraid to speak her mind. Still, should questions arise, like "How was it?" "Was it good?" that could turn into something very ugly. Besides, Ash's pride and male ego was on the line, and she knew how important that was to him.

"Oh, c'mon, Mist! They're our best friends! We could tell them, couldn't we?" he asked, giving the infamous puppy-dog eyes. Misty felt her resolve crumbling. Then she felt something else: the urge to got to the bathroom.

"Well… I guess it couldn't hurt. You tell them, Ash. I got to go to the bathroom," Misty said, but realized her slip. The guys were all looking at her, with wide grins on their faces, just about to crack some potty jokes.

"To powder my nose! I just have to powder my nose!" she said quickly, and rather desperately.

"Since when do you wear make-up?" Tracey replied. Concealed snickers went all around the table.

Misty felt herself turn bright red. Richie leaned over to Brock and stage-whispered, "Well it looks like she has her own natural rouge. Should go easy on it, though!"Everyone heard, including Misty, and everyone's snickers and ill attempts to hold back laughter degenerated into full guffaws. She turned around quickly and headed to the bathroom, swearing vengeance on them all. That is, until she heard Ash say: "Alright, alright, leave her be. You know she has to say that! She's a woman, after all!"

An ill and late attempt to save her dignity it was, true, but it still touched Misty. It touched her enough for her to decide to lie a little should questions arise. 

She made the two-minute walk to the nearest bathroom, and quickly did her business. She washed up, made sure her French-style ponytail was still in order, checked to make sure nothing was in between her teeth or in her nose, and left. Just as she came into hearing distance of the table, she heard something that totally enraged her.

"…Yeah, I got me some, " she heard Ash say proudly. A general gasp of disbelief fell over the table.

"No way!" Brock said, challenging Ash's claim.

"Yes way!" Ash replied, a large grin on his face.

Richie looked him dead in his eye. "You mean you got some of Ms. 'Not until I got married'? Jesus Christ, man!"

"So? How was it?" Tracey asked, though he had **some** inkling of what really happened. He **was** an observer, after all.

"How was it?" Ash repeated. "I'll tell you how it was: it was freaking amazing! I mean she was real wild in bed! Couldn't get enough of me! I mean we were doing it from, like, 9 to around 5 in the morning! I'm surprised we had enough strength to get dressed!"

"Whoa…" was the simultaneous response, all with similar expressions of amazement on their faces. Then, Brock leaned in and asked something Misty couldn't quite hear, but Ash's reply told her what Brock's question was.

"Hell yeah, I got brained! I mean, I didn't have to ask or anything! She just… couldn't stop looking at my..." Ash looked around at everybody's face, with a look of discomfort. A look all the guys recognized right away. 

"Yeah, so she just asked, and I was like, 'Yeah, sure!' and she did! I mean she was a natural!" Ash said, matter-of-factly.

_How **dare** that little bastard lie his no-good ass off!_ Misty fumed in her head, as she felt her old violent streak well up in her. She began cursing the day she threw away her trusty mallet or fan. Before she stormed over there ready to stuff Ash's over-inflated head up his ass, Misty instead formulated a plan. Making sure she wasn't seen, she ran out the side entrance, and to the nearest bookstore. It was only a five-minute walk, but she cleared it in about a minute. She walked up to the cashier and asked her a quick question. With a sly wink, the cashier told her which section she would find the necessary tools to implement revenge on her boyfriend. 

Loaded down with five heavy books, she paid for them, and ran back to the center. She came through the front entrance and then just let her anger lead her on. Just as she came back into hearing distance of the four guys at the table she heard Brock say: "You really should learn, man. Trust me, you learn to do it well, and you'll keep her happy. REAL happy…"

Then all four sets of eyes lay on her as she came storming up with a large pile of books in her hand.

"HERE!" she shouted as she slammed all of them on her Ash's lap with enough force to evoke a cry of pain from him.

"You: read those," she began, as her tone of voice dropped to a very, very dangerous and pissed off note and Ash's face began to turn some deep, deep shades of red. "And I mean, you study them, and you study them well, cause if you ever, **ever **want to even touch me again, I want you to have **some **inkling of what the hell you're doing instead of spouting off in less than ten seconds. And if you think I am EVER, **EVER** going to go down on that little thing, you are SADLY mistaken, Ketchum!"

With one last "harrumph" she picked up her backpack, and went straight towards the center's boarding rooms, even as the rest of the guys just looked at her in utter and total awe. After a whole solid minute of silence, Brock was the first to speak up.

"Nine to five, huh?" he asked with a smirk.

"You got brained, huh?" Richie piped in.

Ash started to stammer out, "Well, look, maybe I **was** exaggerating a little, but I mean, c'mon you can't just –" he began but Tracey cut him off.

"Now, now, fellas," Tracey but in. " Now we all can't jump on Ash like that. I mean, he has plenty of problems as is! Like Misty is mad as hell at him…"

"You got that right, " Ash remarked in his own defense.

"He's going to be in the doghouse for a few days…"

"Oh you better believe it!"

"He can't pleasure his chick…"

"Uh… I don't like the way this is going…"

"And his manhood is so small, Misty needed a microscope to see it!"

"HEY! NO I DO NOT! NO SHE DOES NOT!" Ash screamed out, amidst the uproarious laughter coming forth from his friends.

Managing to calm down a little, Brock quipped, "Well maybe not a microscope, but just a magnifying glass!" 

"My dick isn't small!" Ash screamed out, as he stood up, quite a few decibels too loud. Loud enough to get the attention of the other few trainers scattered in the large seating area. Ash turned even redder as he realized all eyes were on him.

"Oh, mind your own business!" Ash yelled to them, and sat back down. Incidentally, the books that were on his lap were now on the floor, and the other's picked up the one's nearby.

Reading the title of the two books he picked up out loud, Richie proclaimed, "_The Joy's of Sex_… _Kosher Sex_…"

"_The Revised Kama Sutra_, _The Ultimate Guide to Sex_…" Brock joined in. "Those two are pretty good… though I prefer the comic book version Milo Manara did…" The spotlight immediately turned to Brock.

"What? Great lovers are made, not born!" he said, as he looked them all straight in the eye.

"Yeah, as Ash already knows!" Richie quipped. The spotlight was back on Ash, again.

"And what books do you have, Tracey?" Brock asked. Tracey looked at the two books nearest him. 

"Hmmm… _The ABC's of Sex_, _Sex for Dummies_, and _The Idiot's Guide to Sex_," was his answer. 

Brock stroked his chin thoughtfully, as the others once again laughed. "Well, the first one isn't all that great, but the other two have some very interesting pictures…"

During all this time, Ash just sat there, taking his ribbing like a man. He already knew what he had to do. Getting out of his chair, he took up all seven of the books, and rummaged around in his book bag. Finding what he was looking for, he plopped all of the books in front of him and put on his reading glasses.

His friends just looked at him incredulously. Picking up _The ABC's of Sex_, he looked at their amazed faces. 

"Like Brock said, great lovers are made, not born," he said simply, and started to read.

Much, much later, as Misty was beginning to turn in, she heard a knock on her door. Putting on a robe to cover her rather skimpy nightgown, she went to the door. 

"Who is it?" she asked sweetly. 

"It's me," Ash said. 

Scowling, she let her irritation seep into her voice. "What do you want, Ketchum?"

"I just… I just wanted to ask you a question," Ash replied rather sheepishly.

"And what is it?"

"What does cunninglingus mean? I mean, I kinda understand, but.."

Misty opened the door, and beckoned for him to enter. "Come in, and I'll show you."

Send all questions and comments to [Shagti2@aol.com][1] and all flames to [Wenneedthefuel@gasistoomuch.com][2] . [Shoveitupyour@ss.com][3] main server has been destroyed… G'night Gracie!

   [1]: mailto:Shagti2@aol.com
   [2]: mailto:Wenneedthefuel@gasistoomuch.com
   [3]: mailto:Shoveitupyour@ss.com



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